Dear god, Rainbow Brite grew up to be a porn star!
Not that I had high expectations: the orignal Rainbow Brite was the most vapid cartoon of all vapid girly cartoons from the 80s. Girls like rainbows! Girls like unicorns! End of concept!
Still. At least the 80s version didn't look like she paid for her plastic surgery by swinging on a pole.
I really don't know why my mom let me watch that animated piece of retardation (or My Little Ponies or Care Bears), vs. the most awesomest, rockingest girl cartoon ever, Jem (which I was not allowed to watch):
Sure, Jem and her ladies are wearing sexy heels and short skirts--though not that short compared to the 80s rehash minis my students have been wearing. Meanwhile 80s Rainbow Brite is wearing really lame Ugg-style boots and looks like she's part human and part multi-color space mushroom. And her brains had as much power as said mushroom--just enough to rescue cheery cheerful color from the clutches of Murky Dismal. It's the cartoon equivalent of the jerk face stranger who tells you to smile (even though, say, you just found out your grandma died, because dammit! your function is ornament!). Jem on the other hand, endeavors to win back the family music company using a combination of technology and rock and roll. Much better role model, despite cartoon sexiness.
....hrm...
Maybe I shouldn't prejudge the new pornulated Rainbow Brite?
Maybe she's a cyborg superhero?
Maybe she conquers villains through math and her razor wit?
Maybe all those stars on her outfit are really ninja stars?
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